


Bartender

by FaustianDevil



Series: Things are better if I stay [4]
Category: Syberia
Genre: F/M, Sharing a few drinks with your butler, Then hitting on said butler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 07:13:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12765828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaustianDevil/pseuds/FaustianDevil
Summary: Helena shares a few drinks with her nurse/butler/valet/toyboy (all actual in-game words that were used to describe James).





	Bartender

**Author's Note:**

> I feel obliged to write a drunk fic for these two as well.  
> Also I used William Powell (my human James headcanon) for inspiration and the fic has quite a few references to his movies like My Man Godfrey, The Thin Man and One Way Passage. (The last movie is also about a terminally ill woman and a debonair murderer. Doesn't sound familiar at all now, does it~?)
> 
> Hey if you like my work go and give it some kudos or comments, would really appreciate it.

\- Just what do you think you’re doing!

The automaton inhaled deeply as he gathered everything in him to continue acting as a sophisticated gentleman as he turned around to face the receptionist of the hotel.

\- And a good day to you too, Felix!  
\- Shut it! What are you doing?  
\- I’m just preparing Madame’s afternoon tea. And you?  
\- Well go and do it somewhere else!  
\- Oh, but this is the only place with a table high enough for me to work with, or would you that I rather …  
\- Don’t act smart with me, James! I don’t want to see you near the bar ever again! Or have you forgotten what happened last time?

Felix raised his hand ready to hit him, the only thing that stopped him from doing so was hurting his own hand that would surely happen in the process if he would try anything with the automaton. James on the other hand didn’t even seem fazed from the attempted threats and violence directed towards him and just continued on with his business.

\- I do admit my memory is a little bit hazy, but thankfully you are always here to remind me that I …  
\- That you ruined several glasses and threatened me!  
\- Oh, I even threatened you. That’s new. I thought that was only your doing. And just how did I do it? Because I would never do such a thing. I’m as harmless as a newborn lamb.  
\- You’re more like the Devil! You called me a monkey parading around in a suit pretending to be manager!  
\- That doesn’t sound much like a threat, more like a statement, Mr. Smetana.  
\- You were also kind enough to throw one of the crystal glasses at me!  
\- Now that is a threat and I do apologize for that …  
\- … You … y-you do?  
\- Yes, such a waste of good crystal.  
\- Why I oughta …

Just then Madame Romanski came back from her daily constitutional, right on time to break up the fight that was about to happen between the two. Before she could even question what was happening before her eyes, Felix rushed to her side to tell on the automaton, as if he was like a mere child trying to play innocent and blaming someone else for his misdeeds, while James didn’t even bother with moving from the bar and decided to pour out some tea for his mistress ready to be served right after when all of this nonsense was over.

\- Madame, please tell your … your …

He struggled to find the right words to address the automaton with until he settled on something that wasn’t obscene for the opera singer’s ears.

\- Tell your valet that he is not welcome near the bar!  
\- Oh, Felix you are still on about that? Let it go already and leave James alone! You’ll hurt his feelings!

A slight chuckle came from the bar as Felix turned around and then right back to face Madame Romanski again.

\- His feelings? Madame, don’t be ridiculous! He is nothing more than a machine made by that madman, Hans! If anything we should get rid of it! He is dangerous! He already attacked me once! He could do it again!

She didn’t need to and didn’t want to hear one more from him, he didn’t only insult her butler, but Hans Voralberg as well and that couldn’t go unpunished. If looks could kill, poor Felix Smetana would have died right then and there. Helena Romanski glared at him and poked his chest to punctuate each word as she told him off.

\- Now you listen here, Felix! If you dare insult my James or my Hans in any way again I won’t hesitate to turn to your superiors! If anything you should take notes from my valet! He actually works unlike you who only sits on his backside to do nothing more, but stare at a screen as a team of idiots chase a ball and kick it far away only to chase it once again! If I would tell that to the manager I’m sure it wouldn’t be too hard to find someone else to fill in your place as receptionist!  
\- Madame, please … if you would listen …  
\- No! You listen to me! If you wish to keep your job! Leave! Now!  
\- Y-yes, Madame.

He quickly excused himself, but not before giving the automaton one final glare, while James just waved him goodbye as he left. He was ready to pick up the tray and serve tea for his mistress after the ordeal was over, but was stopped in the process as Helena pulled a chair over to the bar and took a seat across from him.

\- Leave that, James! I could use something stronger right now.  
\- Should I add gin to it?  
\- I would prefer gin without tea.  
\- As you wish. … And here I worked so hard to prepare for the afternoon ...  
\- Oh, don’t be so full of yourself! Your work morale could use some polishing as well!

He put the tray aside and rolled over to the mixture of an organ and a bar ready to hit the notes and make his mistress a cocktail before turning around to face her again.

\- Madame, you do know I will get in trouble again.  
\- You won’t, I have made sure of that. Now, I don’t see a drink in front of me!  
\- … Understood!

A bit of gin, a little bit of Cointreau, and the same amount of lemon juice, ice and shake and the cocktail is delivered just as elegantly as it was made to the opera singer, which she happily took away from the small automaton that delivered it to her.

\- Anything else, Madame?  
\- Yes, a few more of these to be lined up here.

She tapped the table in front of her with her nails as she downed the cocktail.

\- Wouldn’t that be a bit too much?  
\- Not at all. After what happened I could really use something to help me unwind.  
\- Madame Romanski, you shouldn’t trouble yourself with such affairs. I can take care of myself perfectly well. I’m a grown automaton after all.  
\- It’s not only you who he insulted …

Of course, how could he ever forget, Felix brought up his creator when he called him names. If it was only him that would have been insulted Helena wouldn’t have acted so hotheaded either and would have simply brushed the receptionist’s comments aside, ignoring him completely, but it didn’t happen like that and again it was obvious who still owned her heart. It didn’t last for long, but he wanted to cherish those few false minutes where it seemed that the opera singer cared for him and only him alone.

\- James?

He decided it was best not to answer her and turned his attention back to the bar organ’s keys, he hit the same notes and did as he was told and made a few more of the earlier cocktail and rolled back to her as the drinks started to line up at her.

\- Will that be all, Madame?  
\- … Yes … I mean no … Don’t you want to join me?

James tilted his head in surprise. After the awkward silence between them earlier it would have been better to leave and not even think about the conversation that was bound to happen, he would have slipped up just like Felix and would have made a few unwanted remarks about his creator, which usually happened quite often when Helena even just mentioned his name and yet he was coaxed to stay.

\- I would gladly, Madame, but I …

He was desperately trying to come up with an excuse, but nothing came to mind.

\- If you are that worried you can just drink from the oil canister.

That is when the opportunity arose and he took it.

\- But where is the class in that?  
\- Then what’s stopping you?  
\- Has Madame not been around the past hour? Mr. Felix just threatened me not only with words, but with his fists as well and promised to turn me into scrap metal if I ever went near the bar again. Oh, what a horrid fate awaits me if I linger here any longer! If he keeps to his promise for once I will be no more and won’t be able to serve Madame any longer either and …  
\- Oh, stop it now! I want you to drink with me and that is final!

She placed a hand on his arm and that seemed to persuade him well enough to stay.

\- … But is it alright for a butler to share a drink with his mistress?  
\- If I say it’s alright then it is. Besides it’s terrible to drink alone. … Then you’re together with your thoughts.  
\- Yes, that’s quite horrible indeed …

There was no way around it now, besides it didn’t seem like his creator would be bought up any time soon again, so what’s the harm with sharing a few drinks and have a nice light-hearted chat. Now if only he could find the blasted oil canister from last time.

\- Felix was probably kind enough to put it on the lowest shelf for me!  
\- Would you like me to help?  
\- No, it’s quite alright … I can … I can … I can’t reach it …  
\- Move over!

He rolled out of the way as Helena walked over to his side of the bar to where the counter was, reached inside and grabbed the oil canister, but before he could take it from her she pulled a glass over to herself and poured the black liquid into it and handed the glass over to him. She took one of her own and clinked the glasses together.

\- Cheers!

He raised his glass along with her and they both downed their share, which was soon followed by a few more, and as more drinks went down their throats their conversation became more intimate.

\---

\- You know you can be quite nice sometimes.  
\- Just where did Madame hear such slander?  
\- Oh come now, you’re not fooling anyone! Especially not me! You have a kind heart, James, admit it!  
\- But I’m only nice to Madame, and that’s only, because she wound me up.  
\- Is there no other reason for that?  
\- Well, I do get paid quite a lot.  
\- … But I don’t pay you anything?  
\- Exactly!

She lightly hit his arm as he tried to empty another glass of motor oil.

\- Besides, Madame, you can’t possibly know what a life I lead before I met you.  
\- Oh, but do tell! I’m interested now!

He motioned for her to lean closer and so she did.

\- I was a convicted murderer.  
\- Oh dear! How many did you kill?  
\- I … oh … after the tenth one I lost count.  
\- Does that mean I should fear for my life?  
\- Not at all, Sugar! If anyone it should be that fat oaf, Felix Smetana! He’s the next one on my list!  
\- James, stop being so mean to him all the time!  
\- Can’t, he’s such an easy target … and quite a big one as well hehe!

He earned himself another slap on the arm for the remark.

\- Go and fix me up another drink instead!  
\- Understood!

He didn’t have to go too far, there were still a few more glasses filled with cocktails at the end of the bar table that he had prepared earlier, and just pulled one closer and put it in front of his mistress.

\- Here you are, Sugar!  
\- What?  
\- … I … I just asked if Madame would like sugar with it?  
\- With a White Lady? This isn’t tea, James.

He was ready to roll away from the scene to spare himself from making up awkward excuses and having to explain himself as to why he was calling his mistress by pet names instead of Madame as would be expected from him, but he couldn’t move fast enough before the question came.

\- I’ve noticed you sometimes call me that … Why so?  
\- Well … I … I … if I’m nice then Madame is just as sweet as sugar.  
\- That’s … that’s quite pathetic.  
\- Hehe … yes … yes it is …  
\- You can do better than that!  
\- My wine?  
\- Awful! Try again!  
\- Oh come now, Madame!  
\- That one’s good! I like that one!  
\- Really now? … And how about …

He leaned closer to her as much as he could and she decided to help him out with doing the same.

\- Helena?  
\- Getting better!  
\- My love?  
\- Too cheesy!  
\- Dear?  
\- Hmm so-so …  
\- I still like Sugar the best.  
\- I don’t!  
\- Well? What does Madame like then?  
\- You!  
\- Oh … oh!

She closed the gap between them and planted a kiss on his cold metal lips, leaving a slight red smear on it as she pulled away when Felix’s voice from the end of the hall disturbed their happy hour.

\- He’s back again …  
\- I’ll deal with him, James.

Helena turned around to face the receptionist as he walked up to them, while James did his best to stay out of it and not start another confrontation and decided to hide away the glasses before Felix could see them, but without any luck, and the one covered in oil was snatched away from him by the receptionist.

\- What did I tell you before? Stay away from the bar! Just look what you’ve done again! Do you have any idea how much these cost!  
\- I …

Before the automaton could even form one word his mistress cut him off.

\- If money is all you’re worried about I can pay for it, Felix! It’s only a few glasses after all!  
\- Madame, that is not …  
\- Or is it that you were never concerned about that and only want an excuse to get rid of my valet … Or am I wrong?  
\- M-madame Romanski that is clearly not the case …  
\- Then what’s the problem?  
\- The problem is that he can’t come up with a good excuse now.  
\- Shut it!  
\- Don’t talk to my James like that, Smetana!  
\- But Madame …  
\- I honestly don’t understand why you even have it out for him when he has done nothing to you! Coming up with such stupid excuses just to get rid of him! And what about the times when I broke crystal glasses as I was trying to test my voice? Should I not have been asked to leave the Hotel then?  
\- T-that was a c-completely different case … Madame … I …  
\- Oh what nonsense! I don’t even need to use my voice for that! Watch!

She took one of the glasses that James failed to hide under the counter and broke it on the bar much to Felix’s horror and the automaton’s glee.

\- Atta girl!  
\- Madame control yourself!  
\- Don’t tell me what to do!  
\- James, do something!  
\- Oh, now I am needed!

The automaton rolled over to his mistress’ side and gently pulled her away from threatening the receptionist any further.

\- Come now, Sugar! Leave the poor man be! Come, you’ll need to get some rest after all the excitement!

He sat her down in the wheelchair and before he rolled away from the bar he looked back at the still terrified Felix.

\- Be grateful I don’t hold grudges otherwise I’d let her tear you apart.  
\- As if she’d …

Before he could finish that thought the automaton yanked him close by the collar of his shirt.

\- It was a joke, not that you would understand it with that minimal brain of yours, Smetana! But know this try anything with Madame or even me again and you’ll regret it! That I swear!

He shook him hard before he finally pushed him away from himself and rolled away towards his mistress’ room. There he helped her up and tried his best to help her lie down on the bed.

\- Come now, Madame! Time to rest!  
\- But I’m fine!  
\- Oh, trust me, after all the drinks you’ve had today you’ll thank me later! Nice and easy! James knows what’s best for his Helena! Just lie there! That’s my girl!

She lied down on the bed somewhat reluctantly and then sat up right after.

\- Will you wake me up when it’s time for dinner?  
\- I promise.

She lied back down as James took of her slippers and tried to tuck her in when she sat up again.

\- But do you actually promise? Not like that time when I asked you to put the flowers in the vase and you threw the bouquet right into the trash, and the same with Franck’s letters and ....  
\- … At the time I was jealous, that’s why I threw those out.  
\- Oh … That explains … I always thought you just had a problem with following orders …  
\- But I do promise I’ll wake you when it’s time for dinner.

He tucked her in again and kissed her hand as he reassured her again that he’ll wake her and rolled away as she turned over to her side.

\- Good night, James!  
\- Good night, Helena!

\---

The sun was setting and the final rays of sunlight crept through the small gap in between the curtains and illuminated the room in a slight tint of orange. The old woman rolled to her other side as the sunlight hit her eyes and when she was ready to go back to sleep again the door opened and in came her valet carrying a tray packed with soup, meat and potatoes, cake and tea to wash it all down later.

\- Ugh … What time is it?  
\- Half past 6, Madame. You told me to wake you for dinner.

She groaned and pulled the cover over her head, while he just rolled over to her and pulled the cover away and put the tray in front of her.

\- Since when do you do anything I tell you to?  
\- When I feel like it.

She threw the napkin that was neatly folded next to the utensils at him.

\- Now, Madame …  
\- You could use it now more than me though.  
\- … Pardon?  
\- You’re bleeding.  
\- That’s impossible I don’t have …

She motioned with her hands around his mouth until he realized what she was getting at and then he remembered that he still had her lipstick smeared on his lips from earlier and quickly grabbed at the napkin to wipe it away.

\- Was it a pretty girl?  
\- I … well …  
\- Watch what you say … Sugar!  
\- Aha … I think I’ll be taking my leave now … If you’ll excuse me …

He rolled away from the bed and towards the door and wanted to get away from the questioning as soon as possible, but again he was too slow to do so.

\- Answer the question, James!

He turned around defeated knowing he won’t be able to talk himself out of this one.

\- She is the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on …

The answer seemed to please her until he continued on.

\- She is no spring chicken though and can be quite a handful, with such violent swings of mood that come over her every now and then, and the times when she really gets rowdy she has a tendency to …

Before he could finish his sentence Helena picked up the soup and aimed it right at the automaton. The only reason why he was able to avoid it from hitting him right in the face is, because he hid behind the door.

\- As I was saying she has a tendency to throw things, but thankfully her aim is terrible …

Right then another plate came flying towards him with the dessert, and this time he didn’t have time to hide and it hit him right in the face. He cleaned himself up a bit with the napkin that was handed to him earlier, before making another smart reply.

\- … Sadly she’s getting better at it.  
\- It’s because you help me practice. Now, be a dear and go clean it up!  
\- Understood, Madame!  
\- Oh, and Sugar!

The sound of the nickname made him more terrified than any kitchenware aimed at his head.

\- Y-yes?  
\- You can call me that when it’s just the two of us. It’s not that horrible.  
\- I … o-of course, Madame. As you wish!


End file.
